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Submitted on
January 29, 2013
Image Size
980 KB


79 (who?)

Camera Data

Shutter Speed
1/60 second
Focal Length
7 mm
ISO Speed
Date Taken
Nov 30, 1999, 12:00:00 AM
Microsoft Windows Photo Viewer 6.1.7600.16385
Personal Letter by San-T Personal Letter by San-T
I don't expect anyone to read all of it, it is just something I had to get off my chest.

Someone who immigrated at least once, might understand it.. I personally immigrated 3 major times and moved a whole a lot overall.
People often try to label you to make it easier for them to understand by where you live or by where you are from. I get a lot of nice comments generated from the fact that I currently live in Canada.. As much as I love it here, I can not really relate to anything.

I have little sentiment for materiality, having to pack all my life in 2 suit cases at the most and leave all the rest behind over and over again, forced me to understand how little I need to survive. I don't know how justified this feeling is, but I have constant pain for all the art work I left behind, my childhood drawings are gone and it is something that I will never be able to see again. The skull that I made from clay when I was 13 years old, which is in my mind my greatest achievement considering the age I was when I made it, was lost in the period of the last 3 years and I have no idea how or where.

I am enriched by all the cultures of the places that I have visited, but I have no heritage or sense that I belong anywhere.

Being asked “where are you from?”, I take a moment to analyze the person that asks the question, trying to figure out what kind of an answer he/she can understand better... To a random stranger on the internet, my answer is always “earth”.

I am completely ignorant to all the holidays of the place where I live, I can't relate, and to be honest, it's too much to remember.

The term “home” is alien to me, going by the definition that home is where your loved ones are – my home is all over the place. I don't really feel safe no matter where I live, it's a time thing, tomorrow it might be a new place. I guess the only thing that I could call home is the house where I lived till I was 5, it had a big backyard where I could play freely, I loved the people who lived in it, I felt safe there, my dog was there...At the time I did not live anywhere else so it really was the only place I ever belonged to.

When we move, there is often a feeling that we no longer have roots, instead we grow wings in order to survive.

At the moment I am going through the hardest experience I have ever went though, spinning off the idea that I have wings, I feel tied to this place while I'm being completely torn apart by the desire of being somewhere else.
Putting this experience in a visual image, I see a bird, tied by its leg to something grounded and unmovable, trying to fly away. Birds, same as many caged animals, often put up such an incredible fight to get free that they can kill themselves in the process... All that is left now is no more than few feathers.

This is by far the most personal, sentimental and literal piece I have ever made. I poured all my thoughts mixed with tears onto the blank canvas, taking my own advise that writing things down might help. Indeed it helped, everything I had bottled up and was not and am not able to say out loud is now here for everyone to see, without actually being able to see it.
I wrote on my blog a while ago, about creating a composition from the written text if anyone is interested in trying it out... [link]

Acrylic on 16x20" / 40x50 cm canvas.
Technique - All of it was painted in black and white, the colors are glazed on.

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kyri-IS-dark Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013
beautiful piece.... love the detail and colours
San-T Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you
ZvaSofia Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is sooo cool
San-T Featured By Owner May 16, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you
Vidom Featured By Owner May 14, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Well, wherever your body is moved, looks like your own land is between your heart and soul. And it's a growing land, getting wider and wider day by day. Sadly, also losses makes it larger and deeper.
I'm glad you can take pictures of it to show us how it looks like.
San-T Featured By Owner May 16, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Really well said, thank you :hug:
Vidom Featured By Owner May 16, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
My pleasure, I love your paintings :-)
voxhunden Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013
I was thinking "sad" when I saw this image and then I read the description and now I understand it better. I got uprooted at the age of 4 and I've still not managed to settle in after 40+ years. But it doesn't seem to bother me any more either. After tons of failed attempts and trouble, flight seems to have become my second first nature. I crashed a decade ago but managed to get airborne again, though in a "lite" version in terms of expectations from life. "In Thrust We God" used to be my motto but it no longer is.. You make very strong visual statements btw.
San-T Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you very much for sharing your story and for the comment!
What do you think one should do when they crash and discover that their wings are broken?
voxhunden Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013
Rely on one's self-healing property:)
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